Surrender: Part Seven

THE offer. The grief. The peace. (We're in contract)

The day I wrote Surrender: Part Six, was the very day our buyers would walk through the door.

Actually, it wouldn’t be the first time they did.

We received their offer Monday.
With a letter.
Which I read with tear stained cheeks.
We accepted that very evening.

There is so much to say, but I’m going to wait.
We have the 10 day breath-hold, as you all know if you’ve ever sold your home; Inspections, appraisals, etc.

And though I know anything could happen,
I have complete and utter…peace.

I truly cannot wait to tell you all the story of how God was weaving the details together as I wrestled aloud with him in tears, prayer and words.
There were so many times I felt so stupid for sharing this journey, so foolish for sharing a stupid story like this with no ending in sight.

For allowing strangers into the vulnerable heart-wrenching surrender.

But now, I’m so glad I did.
I’m so glad I can go back and read my honest heart I laid bare before the Lord, messy, unrefined, and raw- through the wait.

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I’m taking a few days through this 10 day option period— to just breathe. To allow the process to unfold, and to let God write the story so afterwards,
I can tell it to you all.

I’m allowing myself the room to grieve, because the grief is so very real even amidst the peace.

Speaking of grief,
This Friday, amidst all of this- Rune will turn the very age Valor was when he died.

And next week, on May 31st, on our 11 year wedding anniversary,
Rune will reach the birthday Valor never did.

There seems to be so much happening that my mind can hardly keep up. My heart is experiencing so many twinges of pain, and joy. Fear, and relief.

It is a constant paradox to live in the body and mind of someone who has lost deeply, but hopes greatly. All because of Christ.

And this week, with this next chapter both opening and closing in a sense- I’m letting myself feel it all.
Giving myself permission to weep.
to wonder.
to dream.

And as always, to throw it all snot-faced at the feet of the Father.
Who knows just what I need in the midst of it all.

I have asked if you'd give me a dream
I am always noisy, always clamoring
When I am asleep, still I am with you
I asked you for a dream, you gave me the moon

Lover of my soul, how you always know
What is best for me

I have asked to change my circumstance
My life is plunging down, I don't stand a chance
Even in the dark, still you light the path
Even in this trance, you hold me in your hands

Lover of my soul, how you always know
What is best

Forgiveness is a pathway with a thousand bolted doors
I cross another threshold, and I find there are still more
And the question has no answer, and the wounds are bruised and sore
Where else will I go?

Lover of my soul
Lover of my soul, how you always know
What is best
For
Me